Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
