He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
