I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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