Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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