They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
