Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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