I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
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What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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