dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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