just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
