Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
