dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
