He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
