I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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