if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
