i think i have two assholes
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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