why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
