My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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