Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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