When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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