Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
