Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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