yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You made out with two different species that night
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
