Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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