Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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