hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
