I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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