I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she pinky promised me she was 18
Are my feet made of real feet?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
