god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
