Plan B is the new Plan A
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
