Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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