And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
as a side note pls kill me
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
