I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
