I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
