Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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