guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize