you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
