marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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