I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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