I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
