dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
