Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
