He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
