Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
