Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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