its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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