how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
