Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
