In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just blew my weed a kiss
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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