giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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