Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
