i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
