I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
