I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
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Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
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Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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