i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
