My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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