I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
