I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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