Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
