I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
