Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
