He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
