I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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