Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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