Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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