Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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