You really coming over, don't trick.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
