I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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