you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
