My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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